


sunlight | hyewon

by lemonsgayrights



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorder, F/F, Loona - Freeform, Lowercase, angsty, bartender!hyejoo, bisexual!chaewon, hyewon, its rlly fuckin angsty ok, lesbian!hyejoo, musician!chaewon, other ships too probably but only vaguely, pls b careful love u, stream kiss later, trigger warning, wlw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-10-30 22:07:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17837015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonsgayrights/pseuds/lemonsgayrights
Summary: olivia struggles finding purpose in life.every day, in and out, she’d sleep, eat, and work her shitty bartending job. she’d lost all hope of finding happiness.until, on one fateful wednesday, she’s assigned to help musician go won prepare her set. though go won, a girl only to be described as beautiful, has terrible stage fright, and a tendency to get in trouble whenever she can.





	1. like day and night,

**Author's Note:**

> hey so this is angsty as fuck im sorry they deserve better <333
> 
> for if u didnt notice, they’re adults in this fic!!!! hyejoo is 18 and chaewon is 19
> 
> also, i’ll alternate between povs, and you can see whose pov it is by the person in the gif i use at the beginning of the chapter. so, for example, it’s a gif of hyejoo this chapter so it’s in hyejoo’s pov!
> 
> i’ll put some trigger warnings here for u lovelies !!! it’s a tiny bit spoilery so if u feel like you’re hardly triggered by anything u can skip it !! but id rather u dont so u can be sure
> 
> tw for: eating disorder(s), suicidal tendencies/depression, rape, verbal & sexual abuse/parental neglect, self harm and anxiety
> 
> so yea its a heavy one kids pls watch out take care of urself
> 
> i lov loona and this is not to be associated with the real people i mention in this fic its just a fanfic for all ur angsty needs
> 
> hyewon hyewon hyewon hyewon
> 
> orbits i love u have fun reading this fic i hope u like my headassery
> 
> \- lemon

 

olivia had never been the most  
complex character.

she had known little emotion for as long as she could remember, and she preferred it to be that way. her parents had never taught her to feel, and so she did not.

she lived her life simply, earning her money bartending at seoul’s psyche indie club. in olivia’s opinion, it was extremely boring to be a bartender there. but it paid well, so she was fine working there.

wednesday started as every other day. she woke up at two in the afternoon, having stayed up until seven in the morning. her job required her to stay up so late she was basically working night shifts.

she worked almost every day but sunday. there were other bartenders, but olivia had nothing going on in her life, resulting in her doing nothing but bartending.

she got out of bed an hour later, at three, to eat a breakfast that was already too late to be lunch. she chewed on some leftover sushi she ordered on sunday. it was close to being spoiled, so she had to eat it quickly.

she didn’t eat much, really. she told herself continuously it was simply because she overworked herself, but while this was true, she subconsciously denied herself of food.

she had grown skinnier, and she couldn’t say she wasn’t proud of her stick-thin wrists. while it was a large part of her life, she tried her best to ignore her unhealthy habits.

when she looked at her phone, the only notification was a missed call from her mother. she swiped to answer, but it ended up bringing her to voicemail. of course her mom didn’t pick up.

“hi, mom, it’s hyejoo. i’m not sure what you wanted to say, but i’m happy, safe and healthy. i’ll eat well and take care of myself, do not worry! love you.”

she left messages like this too often. the voice in her voicemails had become drastically different compared to her usual one, the latter much less high pitched and energetic.

truth was, she was tired. so tired. if she could, she’d sleep and sleep and sleep forever. but she couldn’t. she had bills to pay, lies to tell, and work to do. sometimes she wished she’d never been born at all, after all, why would you want a child if you’re only going to ignore their existence?

she still wondered what her parents must think of her. she really wanted to pretend she didn’t care, ignore them like they ignored her, but somewhere, she was starved for attention. she craved love, no matter what form. but she knew she didn’t deserve it.

since she didn’t invest much money in food, and worked seventy-two hours a week, she was able to rent a pretty decent apartment. only thing that mattered to her was the fact she had a bed and a roof, really.

she supposed it was quite inhumane of her boss to make her work six days a week, twelve hour shifts every day. she never asked for breaks when she was working, causing her to stand and move around continuously for twelve hours. it wasn’t uncommon for her to faint on the job, especially with the lack of food she consumed.

but she didn’t mind.

she didn’t really care at all. she had stopped caring about almost anything, really. the only thing she allowed herself to care about was music.

music was the only thing she could lose herself in. she never had the confidence to become a musician, but she liked to be surrounded by it at all times. if that meant working at an exceptionally shady indie club, then that was what it took.

the time had ran past her, suddenly it was four o’ clock. black coffee in her hand, a soft sigh escaped her mouth, tugging at her lips.

who was olivia?

olivia wasn’t even her actual name. simply an alias to escape the life hyejoo had lived. but, now her thoughts had set foot in the subject, it remained. it lingered, taking up her brain. who was olivia? who was hyejoo? what’s the difference between the two of them?

five pm. she arrived at psyche club. right on time, as always. she halfheartedly greeted her boss, a man with dark hair and dark eyes and dark eyebags. she had never seen him without a coffee cup in his hands.

olivia changed into her work shirt, suddenly feeling very threatened by her boss’ gaze. she shot him a  
glare, and he immediately looked away. his fault for not investing in changing rooms. it was not like he hadn’t glanced at her like that before- even though she was only eighteen.

eight pm, a good crowd of people gathered on the dancefloor. despite its name, psyche indie club barely paid attention to the indie genre at all (hence why olivia preferred to take out the indie in the name). the newest hits played, korean and american. sometimes, a lesser known musician would perform.

according to the schedule, this was the case. the musician, ‘go won’ was supposed to arrive at eight thirty. and since yuri, another bartender, had just taken over the bartending, olivia had to accompany go won.

however, she was completely unfit for this task. she was about as introverted as a person could be, on top of considerably hostile to those that worked on her nerves. but it was whatever, she was only supposed to show go won their place.

just as she got to the staff room, she met her boss’ eyes. he was a lot taller than she was, so she had to lift her chin a bit to look him in the eyes. a choking silence rid olivia of her comfort, but her boss didn’t seem to notice.

“ah, olivia,” her boss spoke. only now did olivia notice the girl in the back of the room, a tiny blonde facing the other way, from what olivia could see.

“you’re here to accompany go won, right?” olivia nodded. the blonde girl turned around.

her smile imprisoned olivia.

the smile go won offered was as if pure sunshine sent straight towards olivia, an incredible warmth radiating from her face alone. olivia stood frozen as go won offered a short bow.  
“hello, i’m go won. i’m performing here today.” her voice was sharp yet silky, as beautiful as she.

olivia was quiet for a little longer than considered normal.  
     “uh, hello. i’m olivia,” she bowed awkwardly. oh my god, olivia, you useless lesbian. go won didn’t seem to mind, though- she merely giggled uncomfortably. progress?

olivia didn’t dare to think of it. go won was only an artist set to perform here. nothing else.  
     “alright, i’ll take you to the artist room,” olivia spoke, go won nodding as the two of them left the staff room. she opened the door and let go won go in first, as the younger wondered why the artists got a changing room and the staff didn’t.

just as olivia was about to smile and leave her to go change, go won tapped her right foot nervously.  
     “olivia? this might be weird, but could you please help me a little bit?” go won’s voice was incredibly soft, vulnerable almost. and olivia, who had taken a liking to the girl, shattered and stayed with go won.

it wasn’t just because go won was pretty, and wonderful, and the embodiment of sunshine and daisies. it was also because olivia could see she was on the verge of crying, and was both worried and curious.

“okay. i’ll stay with you,” she spoke, a bit too monotone to sound human.  
     “what’s wrong?” she’d lowered her volume, hoping to express her concern using tone. she wasn’t very socially experienced, you see.

go won bit her lip nervously, her foot restlessly tapping the ground. she had eventually sat down on a couch, silence ruling the two girls.  
     “i’m sorry to burden you with my nerves, olivia. i have terrible stage fright,” she spoke worriedly.

olivia stood, frozen. what was she supposed to do about the hyperventilating blonde in front of her? she wiggled on her feet, awkwardness overtaking her. she was horrible, she was weak, she couldn’t even help someone calm down.

“okay— uh, how old are you?” olivia asked, voice low yet sharp, in an attempt to be somewhat calming. go won glanced up,  
     “nineteen,” she spoke in between rapid breaths. why did this girl even become an entrepeneur when she has such bad stage fright?  
     “okay, i’m eighteen,” she didn’t stutter anymore. “so, go won-“

“chaewon.”

“ah, okay, chaewon... i like that name, you know? it’s very cute,” olivia spoke, in a rambling manner but still in a soft, low voice.  
     “i’m olivia. it’s not my real name, my real name is hyejoo,” perhaps she told a stranger a secret not meant for listening ears.

chaewon frowned a bit, questioningly.  
     “why olivia?” she asked, her breaths less and less shallow. olivia shrugged nonchalantly,  
     “why go won?” avoided the question— skillfully. olivia slipped a small smile, perhaps more of a smirk, having circled the question properly.

“touché,” chaewon chuckled.  
     “thank you, olivia. i’m calm,” her voice was still quite high, but olivia supposed this might simply be her natural voice.  
     “it’s really no problem,” go for it olivia, ask her out. ask her to go for coffee, ask for her number. anything.

she opened her mouth to speak, but chaewon was earlier.  
     “when are you off work?” the blonde smiled, and olivia felt as if she was staring straight into the sun. heat rose to her cheeks, as she blinked a few times, confused.  
     “uh, whenever i want to. if my boss doesn’t let me leave i can just quit, really,” he overworked her anyway, so she wouldn’t care at all.

chaewon seemed a bit shocked, but gathered her composure quickly.  
     “alright, do you want to go grab some food after my set, or something?” she asked, a nervous hint to her voice, perhaps trembling even moreso than just before.

olivia rolled it around in her brain, kicked the thought until it landed it in a fitting place.  
     “yeah,” she began, “i’d like that quite a lot,” a dumbfounded smile illuminated her face as if flashing lights at a fair. she was excited.

chaewon blinked a few times, as if she was surprised someone wanted to go on a date with her. she, an ethereal being woven of light, wanted to go on a date? with olivia? the younger girl felt as if she was in the sky.

“oh, uh, it’s almost time for your set,” olivia mentioned, glancing at her watch, then back at chaewon.  
     “will you watch me play?” the blonde asked innocently, batting her eyelashes only slightly.  
truth was, olivia had planned to just go home and sleep if it wasn’t for chaewon.

“yeah! i will,” who knew, perhaps this night would be different than the ones she’d had. perhaps olivia found something new to break her endless cycle. or rather, someone.


	2. my happy pill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi cuties i’m back w a chapter dab i sound like a youtuber
> 
> anyway yeah i think i’m gonna Try updating every monday (today its sunday because im busy tomorrow kek) so put it in your agendas!!! lol jk
> 
> this chapter is angsty! n kinda cliche sorry for that hehehehhe be prepared
> 
> i mean there r definitely gonna be way more angsty chapters than this one but ok a slow Angst build so u can get used to it
> 
> thank u for reading!!!  
> -lemon

 

 

 

chaewon was nervous.

she paced back and forth, punished herself for her endless anxiety. she couldn’t do it, she couldn’t do it.

olivia had already left her behind backstage to take her place behind the bar. chaewon understood, but somewhere she’d wished the enigma that is olivia had stayed with her.

she was interested, perhaps more than simply that, in olivia. her calmness was wrapped in a certain anxiety that chaewon could relate to. the girl she’d met just a few minutes earlier seemed as if she was opposing herself. she was what happened when opposites attracted.

  
“go won?” a dark-haired man called out to her, and she almost frantically turned around.

     “sorry, didn’t mean to startle you, love,” the man had a cup of coffee in his hands, and the smell made her nauseous.

“it’s your turn up there,” when he smiled she could see his rotting teeth, and she tried her best to not scowl at the sight.

“yes, uh, okay. thank you for telling me,” she said, quickly, as she grabbed her guitar.

“we already set up a pad and keyboard for you. good luck, hun,” he looked at her knowingly and let her through the door leading to the stage. 

chaewon glanced into the crowd, she saw most of them simply staring at her. she tapped her foot nervously as she grabbed her guitar tighter and hung it over her shoulder. she leaned close to the mic.

“what’s up, seoul!” she said, a nervous smile on her face, “i’m go won, and i’m here to play some of my songs for you!”

she smiled wider now, though still nervous. the crowd cheered, though it felt halfhearted. something wasn’t _right_ , she didn’t feel complete. 

but, as the show must go on, she walked towards the pad, and began playing. her voice was watery, as if she was drowning in her own words and helplessly flailing to get out. the water was dark dark dark and the sun had faded until she was surrounded by complete, undisturbed shadow. even though she was singing and playing along, she couldn’t hear herself, her mind had left her behind and ran off.

she panicked and searched the crowd with her eyes, helpless as she played the last g chord of the song. holy fuck. she didn’t understand what was happening.

until the crowd cheered, it wasn’t as loud, but booming enough for her to feel it in her stomach. an intense sense of relief washed over her. her eyes wandered over to the bar, and she could see olivia’s ebony hair and her gorgeous smile. olivia looked like a shadow, blending in with the underwater, but chaewon didn’t mind. darkness fit olivia.

she performed and performed, almost not taking her eyes off olivia. she couldn’t stop. 

after her performance, she thanked the crowd and bowed, feeling as if she did something right for once. it wasn’t flawless, but it was right. as she walked off stage, the club manager offered her a drink.

“sure, what is it?” she asked, glancing at the glass of beer. the manager shrugged nonchalantly.

“heineken or something. to be honest, i let our bartender make it for you,” he smiled. 

and chaewon accepted the glass. what could go wrong when olivia made the glass, right? 

after taking a few sips, she excused herself to go sit at the bar, hoping to find olivia there. a few people thanked her for her performance on the way there, and she muttered a thank you back every time.

sooner or later, she’d found olivia. a smile crept on her face as she approached the bar she was working behind.

“hey, olivia!” she said, loud enough for the girl to hear her over the music. olivia glanced up, endearing confusion in her eyes, but as soon as she saw chaewon, she smiled. the blonde found herself glancing at her lips for a passing second.

“hey, unnie!” she said, excitedly. “who’d you get that beer from?” there was a concerned tone to the younger girl’s voice, chaewon didn’t understand why. she was preoccupied with the world moving around her, and olivia’s words hitting her head.

“got it from your manager, i think,” she said as she took a longer sip this time. out of the corners of her eyes, she saw olivia’s eyes widen. 

the younger girl reached for her glass, and chaewon frowned.

“please don’t drink it. i don’t trust my manager,” olivia said, almost pleadingly.

chaewon realised she’d been drugged.

her mouth was dry, her limbs were heavy, her world was spinning. she was panicking- what the fuck did she think? accepting a drink from a man she didn’t even know the name of. she realised she’d started crying.

“i’m so fucking stupid,” she hiccuped. she was idiotic, just another dumb little shit with dreams too large for her to achieve.

“come on, let’s go outside,” olivia said, walking around the bar and resting a hand on chaewon’s back.

“yuri unnie, my friend got drugged. could you take over for a bit?” olivia told a brunette that was sitting behind the bar. chaewon didn’t register what the girl responded with, she could only think about her being olivia’s _friend_.

once they were outside, olivia made the crying chaewon sit down on the sidewalk. the blonde couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe and couldn’t speak. all because she decided to be a damn moron.

olivia sat down next to her after she’d lit a cigarette.

“i’m sorry about my manager. he’s disgusting,” she said, exhaling smoke. the dark-haired girl stared at everything but chaewon, and the blonde couldn’t help but hope she would catch her gaze. 

“it’s okay,” she responded, rubbing her eyes dizzily, “i’m not traumatised now, or anything.” 

olivia’s glance fell upon her, there was something of a disapproving noise that escaped her throat. 

     “what do you mean by that?” the younger girl’s voice was almost aggressive, and chaewon sat up, perhaps sobered up by the hostility directed at her.

”i don’t know, just-“ her world turned upside down, “ignore what i said,” she was terrified. she was terrified of ruining the friendship she’d just made, she was terrified of repeating her mistakes.

     “okay,” olivia simply said, though the nonchalance in her voice seemed too flat to be genuine.

chaewon’s mind wandered far from the conversation, to where she’d spend the night. her friend, yerin, definitely. right? her drugged brain wasn’t sure if she’d asked yerim if she could sleep over at hers. fuck.

     “hey, uh, olivia,” her hands were shaking and she didn’t know why, “can i borrow your phone for a sec? i really need to call a friend.”

olivia stared right into her eyes, as she reached into her pocket and handed chaewon her phone. the lockscreen surprised chaewon; sunflowers. cute.

olivia unlocked the phone for her and chaewon typed yerim’s phone number. she held it close to her ear, biting her nails at the same time.

      _click_. “yes, hello, choi yerim here!” yerim’s voice sounded slurred over the phone, and chaewon could hear others laugh in the background. fuck.

”hey, it’s won,” she shot a glance at olivia, who looked away, as if she’d been caught staring. “uh, are you home tonight?” her nail had started bleeding from the biting.

    “oh,” yerim sounded surprised, as if she’d forgotten something. “did i forget to tell you? i’m in LA with jinsoul and jungeun this week, unnie,” she sounded apologetic. chaewon could only panic.

”it’s uh, it’s alright. i’ll find somewhere else to sleep,” out of the corners of her eyes, she could see olivia’s attention returning to her, a questioning look on her face. 

     “okay, but really be safe, yeah? if you can’t find anything you can ask my mom for my house key. you need one anyway,” yerim sounded too drunk to be making decisions, and chaewon was also too far away to mention it.

”yeah, thanks, yerim,” she said, as she muttered a goodbye and gave olivia her phone back. drugged out of her mind still, she stood up, vaguely mumbling something about finding a place to sleep.

olivia stopped her, eyebrows raised. “where are you going?” her voice sounded faint, like someone pounding on chaewon’s head.

     “find a place to sleep,” the blonde slurred, somehow feeling more intoxicated than before. she could barely keep herself upright, it was hard to talk to olivia at the same time.

”you can sleep at my house,” olivia sounded like she was having an epiphany– but chaewon could only wonder why she hadn’t thought of that before. she could’ve just asked the girl right in front of her. how fucking dumb was she?

     “uh. i’d like that, if it’s okay,” the older one of the two muttered, her voice raspy. she felt stupid, but pretended it didn’t bother her. she had reached some sort of faux nonchalance in her attitude, an ironic view on her own life, when in reality, she was panicking, and devastated, and crumbling up.

”yeah,“ olivia smiled, and sometimes her smiles would light up her eyes as if they were little moons. “come on, let’s go.”

and the moon took the sun’s hand, walking her home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i imagine this chapter kind of progressing like nct 127’s @  
> “interlude: regular to irregular” because it’s calm and lovely and then it fucks up and completely derails n becomes this intense eerie thing BUT when u get used to it its kinda beautiful and cool ^^ also it feels like im on drugs when i listen to it ,,, so yea thats my thoughts pls stan nct


	3. girls drink wine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i totally said id update every monday and then like . skipped two weeks but ok i was feeling weirdly creative ,, so this chapter is WEIRD ,, as in extremely confusing  
> sorry lol
> 
> i think i meant it to b confusing
> 
> but ok
> 
> so ye !! ill try to update every monday still but pls dont be mad if i miss a few weeks or something eeeeee im busy and depressed lmao
> 
> do enjoy this chapter pls uwu 
> 
> \- lemon

 

 

“so, uh, yeah,” olivia’s hands trembled as she reached for her keys, simultaneously holding up a half-asleep chaewon.

     ”this is my house.” if she could get her key in the keyhole, that is. she stabbed the door and stabbed and stabbed until it bled. nevermind, don’t ask about it. what the fuck was going on?

chaewon’s lingering arms hung at her shoulders, cutting her as if paper. 

“olivia,” the blonde whispered, her voice hoarse, seemingly as if in a state of dream. olivia nodded, not really in agreement though, more simply acknowledging chaewon’s existence. she agreed the night had been as if a dream, if not a nightmare. 

she managed to open her door at last, leading chaewon into her living room, plopping her down on the couch. she closed her door, though not after staring at the outside for a second.

seoul at night was a much different place than otherwise. drunkards yelling at eachother, reckless drivers, loud teenagers whose parents shouldn’t have allowed them outside. perhaps she recognised herself in those people, dark eyes staring as dark eyes stared back.

”unnie, would you like something to drink? eat?” she poked chaewon’s side, as the girl had gone limp. no answer. a slight panic rose in olivia’s chest, as she held her head to the girl’s chest. 

she shouldn’t feel so awkward checking for some girl’s breath, yet she did. being so close to her made her blood run cold and she ran with it, though only after hearing a faint breath escape the older’s lungs.

she should’ve just been quiet. she should’ve just not talked to the girl. scrap that, she shouldn’t have worked there. she shouldn’t have left her home, she shouldn’t have been born. she should have murdered her boss by now.

she entered her bedroom. she knew she had the money for a proper bed, but since she didn’t feel the need to purchase one, her bedroom consisted of simply a mattress on the floor. perhaps some clothes scattered around.

as she locked her bedroom door to avoid any unwanted attention from the stranger in her house, she took off her clothes and hid under her blankets. 

eyes wide open, it felt wrong. she couldn’t close them, not even to blink. and she laid there, for no longer than a few minutes as she got up again. her room was cold without many clothes on, goosebumps traced her arms and legs.

she put on one of her father’s old shirts. she almost vomited at his scent, shaking, trembling. why the fuck did she have this shirt still? why’d she put it on now? did she really need to torture herself this way?

she unlocked her door and walked over to a peacefully sleeping chaewon. the girl looked pretty from here, though olivia felt absolutely disgusting for even stealing a glance at the blonde on the couch. she must be a horrid creep, or something.

suddenly, chaewon made an unintelligible sound. and, for a second, olivia was lost in an expanding universe in which she was nothing but a star orbiting another. she stared at the girl, startled, puzzled.

”chaewon? is there something you need?” she muttered, keeping her voice low, not actually wanting chaewon to hear her. the older nodded slowly, eyes closed.

     ”what’s wrong? what do you need?” she tried, a little louder now. she couldn’t go back now, even though her brain was screaming bloody murder. she hated this. she was useless. couldn’t even help. why was she even alive at this point? what does a small star matter in an infinite universe?

chaewon muttered something olivia didn’t understand. then louder, then louder, as if she was screaming at olivia.

”kiss me,” the girl whispered now, though even a whisper was too loud for what she just said. olivia shook her head, confused. what?

 _“kiss me!_ ” it was as if the girl had gone insane, as she opened her arms for olivia to fit perfectly in. out of the corners of her eyes, olivia could see scarlet lines on her wrists. sighing deeply, on the verge of crying, olivia shook her head once more.

”unnie, please. you’ve been drugged, i can’t take advantage of that.” as soon as olivia spoke, chaewon sat up, her head swaying. what should she do what should she do what the fuck was going on?

olivia has dissociated from the situation, as if she was hovering in the air above chaewon and herself. she yelled, punched the air, not knowing what was reality. all that was real had become a blatant illusion. she was lost, thrown into a dream. all she knew is that chaewon, chaewon was real.

chaewon was the remedy. chaewon was reality.

”fuck you. fuck you, fuck you, _fuck off!_ ” long live the enemy. chaewon’s tears were stained with blood. olivia couldn’t tell if they were or if she had been hallucinating the entire thing.

she felt as if imitating a dance. humanity. she felt as if she was a puppy’s toy, scratching at her own skin, panicking. how does it feel, now? living like you can’t?

she has barely noticed chaewon standing up and walking past her. though when the door slammed, a snore threw olivia out of her haze. and there was only panic left.

she sobbed, she sobbed. what had just happened? what had chaewon got angry over? she knew it was her who had severely fucked up. if only she had stayed in her room. if only she had left chaewon alone. if only she had let chaewon get raped? what kind of fucked up person was she to think that?

who was she? the eternal question of confusion. she reached for her phone, realising she had never asked chaewon’s number. a tsunami of distortion rushed over her, almost tipping her off her feet. she was dizzy.

”chaewon,” _chaewon!_

she had left the girl to her fate, let her walk out of the door. she didn’t mean anything anymore. her purpose had left her house. drugged. at night. alone.

she had to find her. it was her job, it was her responsibility.

grasping for pants, shoes and her coat, she ran outside. forgetting to turn off the lights. forgetting to bring her mind. fake it till you make it, wasnt it?

chaewon couldn’t be far. olivia walked towards one of the many alleys, quickly checking it, only finding lost teenagers inhaling smoke and running drugs through their noses. she hated the world.

she drank her own tears, secretly enjoying the salt on her tongue. she checked more alleys, running up to every passed out person she could find, looking for the blonde. if chaewon fucking died, it would be olivia’s fault. her fault her fault her fault.

her mouth went dry, as if spiders walking over her tongue, finding their place in her throat. she was going insane. she was sure of it.

the air was cold. 

she had been running around for at least an hour, no sign of chaewon. where the fuck was she? she had found the club, showing her employee card to the bouncer as she pushed herself through the sweaty bodied strangers. eyes shaking as well as her hands, she ran up to one of her other coworkers, hwangjoon. yuri wasn't around, apparently.

"hey, what's up, olivia? you look upset," hwangjoon could only attempt to scream over the loud music, people talking and yelling. olivia jumped on the bar, scanning crowd for a second before jumping off again. a few people cheered, though olivia wasn't feeling the spirit that night. 

"hwangjoon, have you seen the musician we had tonight back here in the past .. hour?" it was only then that olivia realised she'd been looking for an hour, and the panic in her chest stomped on her stomach and created an earthquake of gagging, almost vomiting. she was dizzy. 

hwangjoon rushed over to her side, "yeah, just seen her go backstage with boss. are you okay?" he sounded concerned. perhaps he should be. olivia gagged for one last time, spitting on the floor in pure fury as she uttered a thank you and ran like she had never ran before. the nausea from before did not slow her down as she pretended she was running for her life, as she was doing the exact same for someone else. she was running for chaewon's life.

she slowed down once she got backstage, treading softly in the pitch black darkness, only illuminated by lights not bright enough to see. she heard something. what the fuck did she hear? a soft .. a soft .. 

chaewon? crying?

she'd fucking had enough of her boss. she was going to murder him, rip his head off, eat his insides, burn his skin until there was nothing left of him. she was going to break a glass on his neck and use the glass to pierce his neck, pushing them in slower and slower till it hits an artery. she was going to throw him off the stage only to let the stampede of people walk all over him, _as he deserved_. 

she'd found the door of the artist changing rooms, the wailing and sobbing and yelling only getting louder. she softly tried the handle. locked from the inside. she grasped for her employee keys, and stabbed the keyhole with her very own key. she wanted to see him bleed, see him suffer, see him choke on his own fucking dick. she didn't care, as long as he suffered infinitely.

she burst through the door, stomping as she took in the sight before her. chaewon, without a shirt, was huddled up in a corner, seemingly only half-conscious, but most of her conscious attention was spent on sobbing. olivia hated it. she hated to see her like this, as if a hunted after animal. as if human no more.

then, her eyes fell upon her boss who had turned around only to look at her in shock. olivia couldn't think, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't see anything but red red red blood blood blood dripping from his nose as her fist collided with his face. he stumbled backwards as she stepped forward, only to fall over and let her kick him endlessly, till he stopped moving. she didn't care if he was dead, she hoped he was, she hoped he had found his way back to hell and would burn yet never die again.

wiping away a few tears with her hands and aching knuckles, she turned her attention back to chaewon, who was shivering from the cold. no words were spoken as olivia picked up her shirt and carefully handed it back to the girl, eventually helping her put it on. the blonde seemed to have fallen asleep almost completely, so olivia allowed the girl to clutch onto her neck and shoulders as she laid upon the younger's back. it was okay. it was all okay now. the moon will bring home the sun, just before the sun rises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for inconsistent format eeee wrote most of it on my phone for some reason but then i switched to Biggr Screen
> 
> also i feel like a lot happened in this chapter but also nothing happened so idk it sucks kind of


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